prayer needed update

Hello all,

Just got back from the hospital and would like your prayers. I arrived, planning to take my radioactive iodine pill and immediately enter into isolation at home. Instead, I was told that I had received false information from my doctors and that I would only be taking a tracer amount, receiving a scan tomorrow, and will schedule the actual therapeutic iodine dose for next week. Frustrated, angry, and devastated don’t begin to describe it. Not only is my TSH above 200 and continuing this low iodine diet gets harder with every meal, but it is mentally and emotionally devastating to not receive the treatment you entered the hospital to receive.

Pray that God will provide the perseverance I need and that a miracle would occur, allowing me to take the actual radioactive therapeutic dose pill soon (like tomorrow!).

Prayers appreciated,

Chrissy

Stream of Consciousness (or scattered thoughts)

Lately my mind has been scattered, at best. My body isn’t far behind as it takes more and more effort to make it through each day. But, as I spend more and more time on the couch, I am faced with countless choices. Do I try to quiet the din of confusion with a book or movie? Do I try to sift through the past 12 months of my life and make some sense of it all? Do I even know where to begin in processing the fact that I received a cancer diagnosis at age 22? Do I talk this through with my Father? Do I look to the future with hope or fear? Do I focus on the good prognosis or the current physical discomfort? Do I pray for my team in Bundibugyo and others I know around the world?

I’m currently reading a book called “Everything Changes” that was written by a thyroid cancer survivor who was diagnosed at age 27. It’s a book about having cancer in your 20s and 30s and I’ve been fascinated by the stories of young adult cancer patients and how they coped with their diagnosis and treatment. One thing is clear to me: I can’t imagine facing this without my Rescuing Abba Father.

This whole cancer thing is a lot uglier than I formerly realized and I’m not even going through chemo or a series of radiation. Along with the physical discomfort, the emotional toll is high. And there are times when I allow myself to be frustrated, angry, and take a moment to say “This sucks!” and throw a pity party for one. But thankfully, those moments are usually pretty short-lived and God gives me the grace I need to continue on in His strength.

Having a brush with my own mortality in my early 20s has allowed me to find the blessings that I can only credit my loving God with. In these moments of darkness, I search for tiny pinpricks of light. And I’ve never been let down. So while I sit on the couch today, I’m choosing to focus on those pinpricks rather than the overpowering dark tunnel. I know this time in my life has changed me forever. And my prayer is that I won’t forget to focus on the glimmer of His light when all else seems dark.

To Be

...I am, you are, he is, they are, we are....

Whenever learning another language, one of the first things I want to learn is how to conjugate the verb "to be". (Of course learning greetings and important vocab like 'bathroom' come before even this :) Knowing how to say "I am..." is one of the most basic phrases around and a whole lot can be built from it. My Spanish is rusty these days but I don't think I'll ever forget how to conjugate "ser" after having it hammered into my head for about 4 years.

In this time of waiting and allowing my health to purposely deteriorate in order to make it better in the long run, I'm re-learning what it means "to be". It's a lesson I've struggled to learn since forever, I think. And I'm sure this won't be the last time. But as someone who is much more concerned with the "to do" rather than the "to be", I struggle when I am forced to stop doing and be content with just being.

As a 20-something, I have an inner drive to do, to create, to work. And instead, my life has come to a screeching halt multiple times. Boo. But through it all, I'm learning that my Abba Father doesn't love me any less or approve of me any less because of my current inability to do. All He asks is for me to be; to be with Him and in Him. He is quite capable of doing it all without me. He is bringing His redemption and His kingdom no matter what. I find great peace in the knowledge that just "being" is all that God asks of me and whatever "doing" comes as a result is added blessing.

Romans 8:22-25

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

Adventure Planning

I'm less than a week post-op but today was spent planning adventures--some will come soon and others a bit later. To me, this is an important step in healing; finding hope in the future and making plans for adventures that are soon to come. My life has been nothing if not a roller coaster ride the last year or so. But, I like the idea of being able to choose a few of the exciting moments. Of course, I hold all my plans much more loosely than I used to. But a girl can dream!

Today I:

• booked tickets for ECHO, a agriculture and community development center in Florida, where I will spend a week in July.
• wrote out a "visionary document": a compilation of ideas and visions God has given me the last few months as I've prayed over how to best serve Him in Bundibugyo when I return.
• washed Ugandan fabrics I brought back with plans to make some special gifts in the near future.
• made a delicious fruit smoothie for lunch. Not future-oriented or even an adventure. But it was so yummy!
• priced motorcycle safety courses online. Yes, I am making plans to receive my Pennsylvania motorcycle license in September so I can learn the basics of driving a motorcycle on the crazy terrain of Uganda. I might have to cart in some goats and boulders so its a little less Philly and a little more Bundi. And yes, I know it's awesome to picture me driving a motorcycle.
• made an appointment to see my endocrinologist tomorrow. Pray for me as she tells me my final pathology report results and the plan of action for my care. I'm hoping that I won't need any nuclear medicine treatments but I have to wait and see what they found.

Thanks for praying me through this second surgery. God provided good nurses and better pain relief than the last go-round. And keep praying that I can embrace upcoming adventures outside of the health-care world!

Some Snaps & Water Needs

I am so thankful for the technology that keeps me in touch with my team in Bundibugyo. I love getting emails from them and reading their blogs and seeing pictures. Today when I read this and this, I was sad that I couldn't be there. As I grieve being so far from my African home and family and look ahead to another surgery tomorrow, my heart is heavy. I have so much to be thankful for--good medical care, treatable cancer, and a supportive family in my American home, just to mention a few.

So, while it is easy to focus on what I am missing out on and to dread the recovery ahead, I choose to post some pictures from the last few days. And to find joy in the place I am today!

Celebrating Father’s Day and my Dad’s birthday on Sunday. He had lots of help blowing out those candles and opening his gifts :)

Enjoying the bounty of fresh fruit available in Maryland in June. All hand-picked and truly delicious!

Celebrating my first attempt at homemade popsicles with some fresh fruit. I’m bringing the molds to Bundibugyo with me, Anna!

Our fancy new cherry pitter contraption. That’s a lotta pits.

Today as I started my washing machine, I thought of the team in Bundibugyo. Join me in praying for the water situation in our town there; water lines have been broken and the availability of water has been touch and go for weeks. Water is an essential for life and as people go to the river for water, water-borne diseases like cholera are a real possibility. Pray that clean water would be available to all soon!

Joy of Sending

With Sarah and Olvie, interns to Bundibugyo, before heading to the airport.

Sarah and Olvie with their 400 lbs of luggage, mostly filled with goodies for the team!

I spent last week in Philadelphia at the WHM Sending Center. I had been looking forward to this time for about 2 months and was not disappointed! Ever since I realized I would not be in Bundibugyo to serve as the intern coordinator (one of the parts of my job description I was most excited about), I decided I would plan everything around the intern orientation in Philly.

Having spent 3 summers overseas with 3 different organizations during college, being with interns is being in my element. Internships led to my decision to pursue a lifelong commitment to missions and it was so exciting to be a small part of these 13 interns' experiences. Who knows how God will use this summer in their life story!

I was blessed by many aspects of my week with them. It was remarkably therapeutic to be peppered with questions about Bundibugyo, rather than my health. Ranging from "What is the weirdest bug there?" to "What are the symptoms of sickle cell disease?" to "What are funny African English phrases they use?", I loved answering as best I could and being reminded of funny stories that had been temporarily forgotten. As I talked and laughed harder than I had in months, I was also reminded of my passion for Bundibugyo, its needs, and what God is doing there. It is humbling to be reminded yet again that He is working there in my absence. His kingdom is coming and it takes pressure off to remember that He can do it without me. It is an honor to be a small part of what He is doing as He redeems the whole of the groaning creation.

I also found unexpected joy in being a "sender". I loved being able to pray over several of the interns. What a privilege! I loved being able to share my own experiences and hear some of their stories too. I loved helping pack bags and I especially loved taking them to the airport. Literally every time I've gone to an airport, I've been the one flying somewhere. I had no idea how to park my car there. Ha! So it was not only something I needed to learn to do, but it was meaningful to wave good-bye to the Uganda interns as they entered security. (And I can't say I was terribly jealous of the 36 hours of travel ahead of them! I did, of course, wish I was with them to see the team and my Ugandan friends though.)

I left Philadelphia with renewed hope and eagerness for the future. Things I need as I go into surgery again this Thursday. God continues to bless me and whisper to me "I haven't abandoned you. I love you. I will take care of you. See how I am working around the world? I'm working in you too."

Privileged

Being back in the States for almost 3 months now has been hard in many ways. I often feel like I'm marking time, wishing I could be in Uganda with my team, and wondering what God's reasoning is in all of this. But, there is another side to it. I've had the privilege of witnessing many special moments with my family the last few months. And I no longer take time with nieces and nephews for granted; I love hearing each of their little variations on my name and receiving their sweet hugs.

I also got a new camera lens (since mine broke in an unfortunate Christmas light electrocution in Bundi--another story) and have enjoyed taking snaps of a few special things I was able to be here for!

The joy and awe of tractors and fire engines at the Dogwood Festival parade.

A was convinced the bubble show would be noisy; we promised the bubbles wouldn’t be loud when they popped but she kept her fingers in her ears the whole time.

M’s pre-school picnic complete with a train ride and his best friend!

M’s pre-school graduation—performing his “Turtle Song” all by himself. So grown up!

The graduate with Mom and Dad afterwards :)

N enjoying her first “swim” of the season in our pool.

A is a little fish!

And probably the greatest joy of all—meeting my nephews S and E. I’ll never forget that I was getting ready to fly back to the U.S. when I got a text message from my brother saying they had been born. They weren’t due for two more months and these are very prayed-over boys. They came home last weekend and getting to hold them was incredibly precious.