prayer needed update

Hello all,

Just got back from the hospital and would like your prayers. I arrived, planning to take my radioactive iodine pill and immediately enter into isolation at home. Instead, I was told that I had received false information from my doctors and that I would only be taking a tracer amount, receiving a scan tomorrow, and will schedule the actual therapeutic iodine dose for next week. Frustrated, angry, and devastated don’t begin to describe it. Not only is my TSH above 200 and continuing this low iodine diet gets harder with every meal, but it is mentally and emotionally devastating to not receive the treatment you entered the hospital to receive.

Pray that God will provide the perseverance I need and that a miracle would occur, allowing me to take the actual radioactive therapeutic dose pill soon (like tomorrow!).

Prayers appreciated,

Chrissy

Stream of Consciousness (or scattered thoughts)

Lately my mind has been scattered, at best. My body isn’t far behind as it takes more and more effort to make it through each day. But, as I spend more and more time on the couch, I am faced with countless choices. Do I try to quiet the din of confusion with a book or movie? Do I try to sift through the past 12 months of my life and make some sense of it all? Do I even know where to begin in processing the fact that I received a cancer diagnosis at age 22? Do I talk this through with my Father? Do I look to the future with hope or fear? Do I focus on the good prognosis or the current physical discomfort? Do I pray for my team in Bundibugyo and others I know around the world?

I’m currently reading a book called “Everything Changes” that was written by a thyroid cancer survivor who was diagnosed at age 27. It’s a book about having cancer in your 20s and 30s and I’ve been fascinated by the stories of young adult cancer patients and how they coped with their diagnosis and treatment. One thing is clear to me: I can’t imagine facing this without my Rescuing Abba Father.

This whole cancer thing is a lot uglier than I formerly realized and I’m not even going through chemo or a series of radiation. Along with the physical discomfort, the emotional toll is high. And there are times when I allow myself to be frustrated, angry, and take a moment to say “This sucks!” and throw a pity party for one. But thankfully, those moments are usually pretty short-lived and God gives me the grace I need to continue on in His strength.

Having a brush with my own mortality in my early 20s has allowed me to find the blessings that I can only credit my loving God with. In these moments of darkness, I search for tiny pinpricks of light. And I’ve never been let down. So while I sit on the couch today, I’m choosing to focus on those pinpricks rather than the overpowering dark tunnel. I know this time in my life has changed me forever. And my prayer is that I won’t forget to focus on the glimmer of His light when all else seems dark.

To Be

...I am, you are, he is, they are, we are....

Whenever learning another language, one of the first things I want to learn is how to conjugate the verb "to be". (Of course learning greetings and important vocab like 'bathroom' come before even this :) Knowing how to say "I am..." is one of the most basic phrases around and a whole lot can be built from it. My Spanish is rusty these days but I don't think I'll ever forget how to conjugate "ser" after having it hammered into my head for about 4 years.

In this time of waiting and allowing my health to purposely deteriorate in order to make it better in the long run, I'm re-learning what it means "to be". It's a lesson I've struggled to learn since forever, I think. And I'm sure this won't be the last time. But as someone who is much more concerned with the "to do" rather than the "to be", I struggle when I am forced to stop doing and be content with just being.

As a 20-something, I have an inner drive to do, to create, to work. And instead, my life has come to a screeching halt multiple times. Boo. But through it all, I'm learning that my Abba Father doesn't love me any less or approve of me any less because of my current inability to do. All He asks is for me to be; to be with Him and in Him. He is quite capable of doing it all without me. He is bringing His redemption and His kingdom no matter what. I find great peace in the knowledge that just "being" is all that God asks of me and whatever "doing" comes as a result is added blessing.

Romans 8:22-25

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."