Manna for Today

"Do not forget that he led you through the great and terrifying wilderness with its poisonous snakes and scorpions, where it was so hot and dry. He gave you water from the rock! He fed you with manna in the wilderness, a food unknown to your ancestors. He did this to humble you and test you for your own good. He did all this so you would never say to yourself, ‘I have achieved this wealth with my own strength and energy.’" Deuteronomy 8:15-17 (NLT)

This passage has recently struck me as one of those "Whoa! Was that always there?" scriptures. My mother, who is a wise woman, has often encouraged me with the phrase "today's manna for today". As someone who could win awards for worrying about tomorrow (and the next day and the next year), I regularly need to hear this.

Right now is one of those times. Stress and anxiety levels are high. I generally try to shove those thoughts into the back corner of my mind, denying their existence. But they are relentless.

They are legitimate concerns. Both my dad and grandmother had surgery today. My dad's was pretty minor and outpatient. My grandmother's was to remove colon cancer. My mom is waiting on biopsy results from her thyroid. If you know my story, you know why that has me nervous. I'm waiting on results from my sleep study that will determine whether we've found the reason for the fatigue that has been hanging on. I'm tired of being tired. It's been over a year now. And potential transition looms on the horizon. Good transition. Exciting transition. But change nonetheless. And I'm afraid. Afraid to buy plane tickets. Unable to commit until I talk with my doctor. Afraid to really grasp the reality of going back to Uganda until I'm on the plane and it is actually happening.

I long for the ability to plan, to commit, to be sure. But God is saying no to that right now. Instead, he is asking me to be like the Israelites. To rely on him everyday for water in the desert, manna in the morning. Unfortunately, I'm a lot more like the Israelites than I care to admit. I whine and complain. Why can't I be more self-sufficient? I'm tired of manna. I want to be able to do this stuff on my own. I want to see the Promised Land. I'm sick of wandering around in the wilderness. I want to be able to pat myself on the back and say "Good job. That's quite an achievement you've made. You sure are strong."

And so while I may be whining, even kicking and screaming, I'm reminded again today to be thankful for today's manna. To stop wishing for manna that would last for months. To humble myself and cry out to my Abba, "I need help just to make it through today! I literally don't have the strength or energy to do it on my own. The future still seems like a big question mark and it still freaks me out. But you will provide. Help me to remember your provision in the past, even in the desert times."