Drowning in Details

It's funny how I've been anticipating a return to Uganda for so many months and yet with my (hopeful and currently unofficial) departure just 2 weeks away, it seems to have snuck up on me! Now is the logical time to start freaking out. In the next 14 days, I will move back to Maryland from Philadelphia, celebrate Christmas with my family, pack my belongings into a few trunks, and jet off to Africa. All of this depends upon a lot of details falling into place--being able to actually get a plane ticket to Kenya, another one to Zanzibar, another one back to Kenya, and a fourth one to Uganda from there. I need to figure out how I will get 3 trunks on a flight that only allows one checked bag per person. And the official green light from WHM to purchase said tickets. Oy vey. Thinking about it makes me clench my teeth.

Sometimes I wonder why my departures always seem to be last-minute and frazzled chaos. No matter how well-planned a departure may be, I know it usually involves some stress. But it seems with every time I leave the country, it becomes a little more crazy! Here's the thing though: God's got my back. He's got the details. He knows if it is best for me to spend time with the singles on my team in Zanzibar before re-entering in Bundibugyo. And above all, He loves me.

As I drove through Philly this morning, trying not to fret over details and envision the 478 possible ways all of this could go, I realized something. I still don't believe that He loves me. That's what it always comes down to. I think that if I can troubleshoot, plan, and control every detail of my life, it'll turn out better. I stop believing that God loves me and start trying to do things on my own. I doubt that He wants what is best for me and His timing is always right.

So this afternoon as I start the process of packing up my life in Philadelphia and moving towards the next phase, I keep reminding myself "He loves me. And He's got control over every detail." My prayer is that this truth will free me to stop spinning and fretting and instead to focus in on my Rescuing Father, who will save me from drowning in the details.