A Lesson in Humility #1

When we were at MTI, they reminded us regularly that we need to be prepared to make at least a million mistakes in our new host culture. In preparation, I decided to start chipping away at that 1,000,000 by having my first stick shift driving lesson this week.

Driving a manual car is a life skill I've been wanting to learn for years. But, it was hard to find people in the U.S. that even have manual cars and my desire to learn wasn't big enough for me to really search out those opportunities. Well, necessity came knocking as I learned that there is a "singles" car in Bundibugyo. My desire for mobility and knowledge of driving stick in case of an emergency won out and I started looking for the chance to learn.

My dear brother, Tony, has a very dear brother-in-law who offered up his new Jeep Wrangler for my practice. Tony then offered to give me my first lesson. Woo hoo!

As the day for our lesson came closer, I found myself feeling legitimately nervous. The last time I had driving lessons was when I was 16 and I did well pretty fast, considering that I had spent countless hours in the car during my growing up years. I think I felt even less confident at age 21 sitting behind the wheel of that Jeep than I did when I sat behind a steering wheel for the first time ever. Isn't this a step backwards? Can't I just be independent and learn this through osmosis or something?

My pride had to take a hit as I told Tony, "This is pretty terrifying to me" and sat down in the driver's seat. To make a long story short, I think I did pretty well. I didn't stall out the first time or even a few times after that. When I did stall out, it seemed to come in rushes and I would stall a ridiculous numbers of times in a row. But, I managed to get the car out onto the road and even managed to go in reverse and start on an incline. Tony can now add "spectacular stick shift instructor" to his long list of talents.

I know that my 1.5 hour lesson is only the start of a lot of learning if I do end up driving in Uganda. While it was good to practice in the U.S., I'll be driving on the left side of the road, using my left hand to shift, and also driving on Ugandan roads which I hear are full of goats, kids, and potholes. Quite the obstacle course. I have a feeling my driving pride will be chiseled down to powder by the time I learn to drive in Uganda, if I learn at all.

Sometimes I look forward to the adventure of learning new things in Uganda, whether it be driving or buying groceries or anything else. Other times I wish I could shelter my pride a bit and remain independent, competent, and knowledgeable. Either way, I am excited to see all the ways God works in me and brings me to a new understanding of Him through these lessons in humility.

A Good Day

On an entirely different note from my previous post, I just want to write about a good day. I had a good day today. It was filled with lots of sweet, little morsels that I will remember as I go to Uganda. It started like a typical day. I went to work. The copier was acting weird. I wrote some emails and answered the phone.

My mom met me at work to take me shopping for a dress for my cousin's upcoming wedding. I had an appointment at 3 so we had just enough time to eat lunch and speed-shop for dresses. This is where it got good:

• We ran into my brother, Tony, and I got a hug from him. A sweet treat.
• I sent my sister, Emily, picture texts of the two dresses I couldn't decide between. We both agreed on the same one. And my mom liked that one the best too. Decision made for an indecisive person! Check!
• My mom found a dress too--mission accomplished!
• Laughing with Mom as we (literally) ran into Marshall's for a 15 minute browsing spree before having to turn around and go to my appointment. Our time management and estimation of traffic time wasn't the best but we made getting there an adventure :)
• Meeting my parents for dinner. After getting half-lost, I met them at a store and they offered to buy me a new piece of jewelry--anything I'd like! I've never read the 5 Love Languages book but I'm pretty sure giving is one of mine. I love giving and receiving gifts. My new necklace is a cherished gift.
• Eating a delicious dinner at Home Grown complete with chocolate mousse trifle for dessert.
• Driving home and the air was cool enough to roll the windows down.

As I get ready to leave for Uganda, I find myself cherishing moments that might not be so special otherwise. I know God is going to provide incredible memories for me no matter where I am or who I am with though!

He'll Carry Me All the Way

While I was at MTI, there was one night that I felt particularly discouraged. I felt overwhelmed by the task ahead of me in Uganda. I grumbled to God about my loneliness and feeling entirely incapable of what He had called me to.

That night I opened my Bible to Deuteronomy, remembering a random passage I had wanted to look up. I never found that passage. But I did start reading the book at chapter 1. And God yet again amazed me at His ability to speak fresh and anew through his Word to me.

I'm not a Bible scholar so I might get this background info wrong. But, from the bit I read, it seems the Israelites have made it out of Egypt and were camping on a mountain in Moab, perhaps after wandering in the desert for a while. God tells them they've stayed there long enough and it's time to move on to the land He had prepared for them. I'm pretty sure the Israelites were less than thrilled about this whole plan. They had to travel through a "vast and dreadful desert" and then reached land that was currently occupied by the Amorites. They sent some spies in who checked it out and said it was good land. But the Israelites still doubted God's good intent.

They grumbled. They said, "God hates us and delivered us from Egypt only to deliver us into the hands of these Amorites. These people are strong and tall and there are big walls around the city. God doesn't realize that this is just impossible." [all of this is my paraphrasing]

Moses's reply is fantastic. He says:

"Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God, who is going before you, will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, all the way you went until you reached this place."

The story continues of course. And the Israelites continue to grumble and rebel and God allows them to be defeated by their enemies.

But, when I stop reading after Moses's reply, I find so many parallels to my own life. Sure, sometimes I'm excited for all the adventures ahead in Uganda. But sometimes I feel completely inadequate for the needs of Bundibugyo. (Read this post from my team leader to get a feel for it) I'm not afraid of Ammorites and I don't plan on invading and staking a claim to any territory, like the Israelites. But I can find it easy to fear my lack of expertise as I try to help with a nutrition program without any medical or nutritional schooling. I can find it easy to fear as I leave my familiar surroundings and the support system of friends and family I've known my whole life.

It is easy to fear. But, God is going before me. He has fought for me so many times in the past. And above all else, he will carry me. He will carry me as a Father carries his daughter all the way. What encouragement!

Not Just Fun & Games--But Learning Too!

I'm guessing that you may be wondering just what I've been up to here at MTI. Lest you think it is all hiking adventures and trips to the ice cream shop (which I have enjoyed), I thought I'd make up a little list of some things I've learned in the past two weeks.

• When it comes to conflict under stress, I am often a "turtle". We each learned our conflict styles and how it will play into our dealing with issues that will come up on the field.
• I met with 5 other women in differing walks of life that are all leaving for different fields in the upcoming week. We spent time together as a small group--getting to know each other and reflecting on God's word together.
• Yesterday, I had to meet with each of the women and tell them 4 strengths and 1 weakness I see in them and they did the same for me. It was a little terrifying but mostly encouraging and special to listen and to share.
• In our unit on managing stress, I took a test called the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. My stress levels due to life events (good, bad, and change are all stressors) were double the most severe in the scale. The last year has been a time of many good things and a lot of exciting change. But even good can be stressful. This session on stress was a wake-up call to me. I don't want to arrive in Uganda already burnt out. As I talked over the results of the test with a personal coach, I decided I need to make changes as I prepare to come home for the next month before flying to Uganda. I am looking forward to lowering those stress levels!
• I walked across a "bridge" made of unstable chairs and exercise balls while connected to 5 other people. We learned about the bridge of transition, all the stages of transition we're going through (and about to go through), and how we're connected to others on our team that are at different stages on that bridge.
• (If you might be coming to MTI--skip this one because it'll be a big spoiler--I warned you!) I took part in a pretty realistic simulation of hiding and then being held hostage with 20 other people, standing in a tiny wooden box in the dark for at least an hour. Why are they torturing us here at MTI? Because it revealed our true colors under stress and more than one of us were surprised at our reactions!
• After that experience, we were given a full day of guided Sabbath in silence and solitude. I didn't realize how much I had been craving away and alone time with God. As a strong storm came rolling over the mountains, I took my spot on a bench under the entryway overhang. The wind began to whip, the rain fell hard, and I was amazed by God's majesty yet again. And as I looked over the horizon, there was one small patch of sky that remained blue and bright with all the gray around it. Thank you for that, Jesus!

Well, I could go on for quite some time about all that I've learned. I'm excited for these last few days of learning that we have left. I feel strangely unsure about going home. I want to spend this month making memories with my family while not having that sense of "impending doom" (to put it dramatically) of the painful good-byes to come. I don't want to say the good-byes to those I've grown to love and connect with over the past few weeks here at MTI. I don't want to go home and have reality hit. I don't want to face packing my life into 3 bags. I don't want to say good-bye to my dear college friends. I don't want to have that last Sunday in my home church. There's plenty of things I'm not looking forward to.

But, I have much to look forward to! Special times with family, laughter with friends, loving on nieces and nephews, the chance to show my love by saying good-bye well. And despite the many good-byes and painful realities of leaving, I also have many hellos to say! I am about to embark on a new journey with God in Uganda and I am so excited to become a part of the team there. Thank you Jesus for being with me wherever I go and providing me with loved ones all around the world!

Why, Yes, I Did Climb Pike's Peak

So, I've been here at MTI for almost a week. It has been an incredible experience thus far. While the classroom material is helpful, I think spending time with fellow missionaries has been the most enriching part of it all. Whether we're eating lunch together or walking over to the ice cream shop together, I am continually amazed at how much we have in common and how easy it is to make conversation. We have a bond in our passion for the reaching the world and I'm amazed at how much I've learned about each person after only one week. I could go on and on about how good this time has been for me and how excited I am for the next two weeks. But, I'm primarily here tonight to impress you.

Today, Saturday, August 7th, 2010, I climbed to the top of Pike's Peak--a summit of 14,110 feet. We drove up to about 11,000 feet and then (crazily) decided we would climb the last 3 miles to the summit. We wanted to do a little hiking and not be lazy and drive the whole way up. Bad decision? Probably.

The trail started out pretty flat, grassy, wide. None of us were particularly acclimated to the altitude. I have been living at 7,000 feet for about 5 days. That's it. We were huffing and puffing our way up but I kept thinking, "This isn't that bad."

But then the climb became steeper and steeper. And then the boulder field came. I didn't even realize what a boulder field was. But it's basically a bunch of massive rocks at the top of a mountain. We took a basically vertical climb up said boulder field. I have no idea how long we were there or how far it was. Someone estimated around a mile of rock climbing. Every time we'd get to a place that I thought was the top, there was just one more hill of rocks to climb. (By the way, I did all of this in Chacos. Lovely.) My foot started cramping, my lungs felt like they would explode, I was gripping each boulder like a kung fu champion as I dangled over the cliff, and I watched as the road the cars drove on (my escape route) became farther and farther away. I wasn't alone in my exhaustion, fear, and general freaking-out-ness. But as Joyel (the only other woman) and I realized it would be harder to go down than up, we gave in and just kept going.

I have never been so happy to see a guardrail. I'm pretty sure I screamed "Thank you Jesus!". The guardrail served as our hope that the top was near. A sign of civilization. Not just one rock after another. That guardrail buoyed my spirits enough to get to the top.

Right now, about 5 hours after we reached the summit, I feel like an old woman. My knees are aching and my body is still pretty mad at me. But, I can honestly say, I am thrilled I made it. It certainly wasn't just me scaling up that vertical wall of rocks. I found myself praying more today than I think I have all week. And a song we sang a few days ago kept coming back to me:

"Every move I make, I make in you.

You make me move, Jesus.

Every step I take, I take in you.

Every breath I take, I breathe in you.

You are my way, Jesus.

Every breath I take, I take in you."

As my sea-level lungs struggled to catch up, my heart pounded out of my chest, and my legs turned to iron today, I kept thinking about how much this whole experience is like my spiritual journey. Take me out of my comfort zone, and I suddenly realize that every single step I take, is only enabled by the grace of God. I can find it so easy to rely on my own strength when I'm comfortably living at home in Maryland. But I constantly need to be reminded that I'm an incredibly weak vessel and I can only move, step, and breathe by the power and strength of Christ in me.

Today's left me with a lot to remember. I bought some things at the top of the peak that I plan to take with me to Uganda. I want to remember the physical, psychological, and emotional hurdles I made it over today. And when something seems impossible in Bundi, I'm hoping those "souvenirs" will be good reminders of what God has brought me through in the past.

I'll leave you with some pics even though the camera could not at all capture the beauty and majesty of these mountains. Or the physical stamina it took to hike them :)

At Crystal Lake, with Pike's Peak behind me. Completely oblivious of what was to come :)

Yes, I climbed over that. And then there was a whole additional mountain of boulders to be conquered.

Still looking pretty happy after a short climb.

With Bob at the top. Without his encouragement, I never would have made it!

So happy to have made it to the peak. Still living and breathing. Hooray!

Crazy roads we drove just to get to 11,000 feet.

Singing Mountains and Clapping Trees

Within the past year or so, Isaiah has quickly become one of my favorite books of the Bible, if not my very favorite. It has provided encouragement and support in countless situations. A few nights ago, I turned to chapter 55 and started reading. If you have time, read the whole chapter because it is wonderful.

But one verse stuck out to me that night. Isaiah 55:12 says, "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the moutains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." As amazing as the image of trees clapping their "hands" is, I focused in on the first part of that verse.

As someone who loves to-do lists and planning (far, far in advance), it can be easy for me to dwell on the future rather than today. Most of the time, I am happy to look forward to all the things I have planned before leaving for Uganda as well as the excitement of actually going! But there is a "logical" part of me that also realizes that everything won't always be rainbows, unicorns, and butterflies all the time in Uganda. Sometimes it can be hard to find a balance between having realistic expectations and negatively dwelling on what could go wrong.

But back to the verse--I thought it fit perfectly. As I leave for Uganda, it will be an exciting and bittersweetly joyous time. When I first arrive and see those beautiful mountains, I don't think it will be hard to picture them bursting into song. But what is even better is that when those days inevitably come when the rainbow has changed to just plain old rain and the unicorns look like ugly horses, God promises his peace will lead me forth. How wonderful! God isn't sending me to Uganda with just the promise that I'll go in joy but is sending me with the additional promise that I will continue to be led forward in His gracious peace.

Stocking Up on Fireworks

I celebrated my first 4th of July in America in about three years just a few days ago. I'm not a particularly patriotic person and never really saw the 4th as a holiday that I just had to be with my family. So I wasn't upset when I got to spend it in London two years ago. I wasn't sure how Independence Day would be celebrated in the place which we Americans had defeated to gain that independence. But it was fun to see the British view of Americans as they "celebrated". The British Museum hosted a party with all things American including hot dogs and cotton candy, line dancing, and American football being played quite pathetically on the front lawn.

Last year I spent my 4th on a sand dune in Senegal. Quite a different celebration for sure! It was a fun and memorable night with sparklers and an American barbecue atop a mountain of sand. We all forgot flashlights so the hamburgers were cooked by the light of one headlamp and the full moon graciously guided us back to our cars after the festivities. The 4th landed on the week when we had our homestay. As much as I absolutely loved the women we were staying with, it was so exciting to join fellow Americans (and two Canadians and a New Zealander) to celebrate our American-ness and to speak English again rather than stumble through a conversation in Wolof!

This year was fun too in a different kind of way. I had a relaxing 4th of July weekend and didn't do much other than hang out with my parents and take a nap (or two). But, I was determined to go see some real fireworks. Family friends invited us to go along with them to a "secret location" where the show was guaranteed to be incredible. And was it ever! There were firetrucks stationed next to the field we sat in. Just in case a stray spark came over. I had never seen fireworks so close! I had to lay back in my chair to see many of them. You could feel each boom in your chest and hear the crackle. While the other spectators were mute in their awe (or maybe just weren't really that impressed), I just couldn't stop declaring how amazing the show was!

The next night we decided to also go to our local fireworks display right down the street. While it wasn't quite as awe-inspiring as the previous night's show, it was picturesque on the waterfront and reminded me of the many times we had gone when I was growing up.

I was wishing I had my camera to remember the American fireworks fun. But, I think I'll remember and I'm kind of glad I got to see it with both eyes open rather than behind a viewfinder. I'm glad I stocked up for two years worth of fireworks! I'm also so excited to see all that God has done between now and July 4, 2011. I know it is going to be amazing.