The Stillness of Stopping

As most of you know, I’ve been struggling with a variety of health issues since a few weeks before my arrival here in Uganda. It is interesting—when attending my pre-field training at MTI, one of the activities was to look at a list of typical fears missionaries face when going to the field. We were supposed to choose those that caused us the most anxiety and at the top of my list was “being unable to do ministry due to health problems”. Maybe God was hinting even then at what was to come.

I think it would be easy for me to whine, complain, list all of my symptoms and how they’ve affected my attempt to live life here. But instead, I would like to reflect on what God has been teaching me the past several months through this trial. I don’t want this to become a list that appears to be “why I’m holier than you”. Not at all. If anything, this time of illness has shown me just how little I understand the Gospel, God’s character, and my own sinful heart. But as I process this morning by writing, I hope it can come as an encouragement to you in whatever trial you’re facing. We are not alone in needing to learn and re-learn the simple truths of the Gospel. As miserable as hardship may be, I am finding that God uses it to grow us in leaps and bounds.

Some things God has been showing me lately:

• I can do nothing, absolutely nothing without His strength.
• As the illusion of my control has been stripped away, I realize He has total control over all things.
• I have allowed many things to define me and become my identity when, in fact, my true identity can only be found in Him. I am the beloved child of the King, as we all are.
• My value is not found in what I can do or accomplish, how full my planner is or my outer appearance. My Father delights in me (and you too!) no matter what my circumstances may be.
• Sometimes it is okay to slow down or even stop; God uses those times of slowing or stopping to whisper to my often frantic heart.

The past few days have been days of stopping. As physical fatigue has wracked my body and emotional exhaustion has accompanied it, I’ve been forced to stop and rest. And right now in the cool, damp, and darkness of a rainy morning, I am no longer fighting it. There are some things that can only be learned in the stillness of stopping.