I don’t consider myself to be a competitive person. I’ve never played sports and I enjoy playing games for the social fun rather than the joy of winning. In general, I would say I’m okay with not being the best at everything. But the other day I came to a realization. I thought to myself, “I don’t mind not being the best, but right now I feel like I’m the worst at everything!”
Coming to Bundibugyo has brought me back to that humbling, child-like level where I really am the worst at everything. I can’t communicate, I have lost social and cultural graces, my typical gifts, abilities, and even sense of humor have often been lost in the shuffle of adjustment and figuring out survival here.
Has this been hard? A resounding Yes! But am I learning from it also? Another resounding Yes! As someone who so often relies on her own strength, who finds fulfillment in accomplishing tasks, and easily forgets that her identity and worth are found in Christ, I am going back to the basics in more than one way. Multiple times throughout the day I feel discouraged that I am so clueless. But then I remind myself of the truth that “Hey! God loves you the same whether you can do this or not!” What a reassurance! My value is found in my Father and his unchanging love for me, not in whether I excel at a task or am even “operating at full capacity”. Thank you Jesus!
I still think your funny Chrissy... just wait until you can make sarcastic remarks in their native tounge. Then you'll really feel at home :)
ReplyDeleteoh sister! I know it oh so well! been thinking about you a lot and praying too! press on and keep your chin up. it's worth it, really it is!
ReplyDeleteI was praying for a you a few minutes ago. But I am also reminded to pray for the people you are working with. I know you'll be okay, Chrissy. You belong to the Father. He loves you more than any of us know. He will take care of you and give you the best, His best, every day. He wants you to have His best becasue He loves you. So, today as I pray for you, I pray for the ones you will come in contact with--the ones that don't know our Father, His love and amazing grace. Praying that His love and joy flows out of you and into their lives. Love you, friend! Press on!
ReplyDeleteI believe that missionary work is as much for the person serving as for those they serve. You learn so much about yourself. You might consider yourself weak, but there are those that don't have the "guts" to even attempt to do what you are doing. So just the fact that you are there, shows so many people the courage and strength of your convictions.
ReplyDeleteIsn't this almost like a "rebirth" of some sort? You can't speak their language, their culture is different, food is different...imagine you can't get a decent phone call or a Starbucks Latte!!!
That is similar to our life in Christ. The "rebirth" of ourselves in Him. And you start with baby steps, learning how He will feed you, and clothe you, and take care of you. Not in your comfort, but in the newness of Him.
And so you learn, and get discouraged, and overwhemed, and then you see the rainbow in the clouds, or the call from mom and dad, and realize that amongst all the pain and discouragement, there He is, that "still small voice, saying that everything will be OK, that He will take care of you, and guide you and direct you.
Make sure you are listening......and be prepared for answers you may not expect. He IS faithful. He WILL take care of you. But you will find that it generally isn't as you might expect.
So be patient, lean on Him, your family, and friends, and as you grow and learn from Him, THEN you can serve others with His joy and happiness.
I can't imagine your challenges. But back here, your family, and friends are praying for you. Keep the faith. May He keep you safe and sound.
We dealt with the same thing ya know. I know that doesn't really help! :-) But, I especially share that frustration because I have a very sarcastic-type humor and sometimes it is very difficult to communicate it in Spanish. Many times, I say something sarcastic and the nationals think I'm serious because they don't expect some gringo to be saying it. Other times, I just make an absolute fool of myself. Language learning (and culture learning as they are often intimately intertwined) can be very difficult and humbling. You're right that you're learning... because at this point you either decide to give way to self and learn/grow, or throw in the towel and say it isn't worth it. God bless you sister. We're praying for you.
ReplyDelete