Adventure Planning

I'm less than a week post-op but today was spent planning adventures--some will come soon and others a bit later. To me, this is an important step in healing; finding hope in the future and making plans for adventures that are soon to come. My life has been nothing if not a roller coaster ride the last year or so. But, I like the idea of being able to choose a few of the exciting moments. Of course, I hold all my plans much more loosely than I used to. But a girl can dream!

Today I:

• booked tickets for ECHO, a agriculture and community development center in Florida, where I will spend a week in July.
• wrote out a "visionary document": a compilation of ideas and visions God has given me the last few months as I've prayed over how to best serve Him in Bundibugyo when I return.
• washed Ugandan fabrics I brought back with plans to make some special gifts in the near future.
• made a delicious fruit smoothie for lunch. Not future-oriented or even an adventure. But it was so yummy!
• priced motorcycle safety courses online. Yes, I am making plans to receive my Pennsylvania motorcycle license in September so I can learn the basics of driving a motorcycle on the crazy terrain of Uganda. I might have to cart in some goats and boulders so its a little less Philly and a little more Bundi. And yes, I know it's awesome to picture me driving a motorcycle.
• made an appointment to see my endocrinologist tomorrow. Pray for me as she tells me my final pathology report results and the plan of action for my care. I'm hoping that I won't need any nuclear medicine treatments but I have to wait and see what they found.

Thanks for praying me through this second surgery. God provided good nurses and better pain relief than the last go-round. And keep praying that I can embrace upcoming adventures outside of the health-care world!

Some Snaps & Water Needs

I am so thankful for the technology that keeps me in touch with my team in Bundibugyo. I love getting emails from them and reading their blogs and seeing pictures. Today when I read this and this, I was sad that I couldn't be there. As I grieve being so far from my African home and family and look ahead to another surgery tomorrow, my heart is heavy. I have so much to be thankful for--good medical care, treatable cancer, and a supportive family in my American home, just to mention a few.

So, while it is easy to focus on what I am missing out on and to dread the recovery ahead, I choose to post some pictures from the last few days. And to find joy in the place I am today!

Celebrating Father’s Day and my Dad’s birthday on Sunday. He had lots of help blowing out those candles and opening his gifts :)

Enjoying the bounty of fresh fruit available in Maryland in June. All hand-picked and truly delicious!

Celebrating my first attempt at homemade popsicles with some fresh fruit. I’m bringing the molds to Bundibugyo with me, Anna!

Our fancy new cherry pitter contraption. That’s a lotta pits.

Today as I started my washing machine, I thought of the team in Bundibugyo. Join me in praying for the water situation in our town there; water lines have been broken and the availability of water has been touch and go for weeks. Water is an essential for life and as people go to the river for water, water-borne diseases like cholera are a real possibility. Pray that clean water would be available to all soon!

Joy of Sending

With Sarah and Olvie, interns to Bundibugyo, before heading to the airport.

Sarah and Olvie with their 400 lbs of luggage, mostly filled with goodies for the team!

I spent last week in Philadelphia at the WHM Sending Center. I had been looking forward to this time for about 2 months and was not disappointed! Ever since I realized I would not be in Bundibugyo to serve as the intern coordinator (one of the parts of my job description I was most excited about), I decided I would plan everything around the intern orientation in Philly.

Having spent 3 summers overseas with 3 different organizations during college, being with interns is being in my element. Internships led to my decision to pursue a lifelong commitment to missions and it was so exciting to be a small part of these 13 interns' experiences. Who knows how God will use this summer in their life story!

I was blessed by many aspects of my week with them. It was remarkably therapeutic to be peppered with questions about Bundibugyo, rather than my health. Ranging from "What is the weirdest bug there?" to "What are the symptoms of sickle cell disease?" to "What are funny African English phrases they use?", I loved answering as best I could and being reminded of funny stories that had been temporarily forgotten. As I talked and laughed harder than I had in months, I was also reminded of my passion for Bundibugyo, its needs, and what God is doing there. It is humbling to be reminded yet again that He is working there in my absence. His kingdom is coming and it takes pressure off to remember that He can do it without me. It is an honor to be a small part of what He is doing as He redeems the whole of the groaning creation.

I also found unexpected joy in being a "sender". I loved being able to pray over several of the interns. What a privilege! I loved being able to share my own experiences and hear some of their stories too. I loved helping pack bags and I especially loved taking them to the airport. Literally every time I've gone to an airport, I've been the one flying somewhere. I had no idea how to park my car there. Ha! So it was not only something I needed to learn to do, but it was meaningful to wave good-bye to the Uganda interns as they entered security. (And I can't say I was terribly jealous of the 36 hours of travel ahead of them! I did, of course, wish I was with them to see the team and my Ugandan friends though.)

I left Philadelphia with renewed hope and eagerness for the future. Things I need as I go into surgery again this Thursday. God continues to bless me and whisper to me "I haven't abandoned you. I love you. I will take care of you. See how I am working around the world? I'm working in you too."

Privileged

Being back in the States for almost 3 months now has been hard in many ways. I often feel like I'm marking time, wishing I could be in Uganda with my team, and wondering what God's reasoning is in all of this. But, there is another side to it. I've had the privilege of witnessing many special moments with my family the last few months. And I no longer take time with nieces and nephews for granted; I love hearing each of their little variations on my name and receiving their sweet hugs.

I also got a new camera lens (since mine broke in an unfortunate Christmas light electrocution in Bundi--another story) and have enjoyed taking snaps of a few special things I was able to be here for!

The joy and awe of tractors and fire engines at the Dogwood Festival parade.

A was convinced the bubble show would be noisy; we promised the bubbles wouldn’t be loud when they popped but she kept her fingers in her ears the whole time.

M’s pre-school picnic complete with a train ride and his best friend!

M’s pre-school graduation—performing his “Turtle Song” all by himself. So grown up!

The graduate with Mom and Dad afterwards :)

N enjoying her first “swim” of the season in our pool.

A is a little fish!

And probably the greatest joy of all—meeting my nephews S and E. I’ll never forget that I was getting ready to fly back to the U.S. when I got a text message from my brother saying they had been born. They weren’t due for two more months and these are very prayed-over boys. They came home last weekend and getting to hold them was incredibly precious.

Meditation on Psalm 27

Paul David Tripp is one of my favorite authors--all of his books I've read are honest and real but also bring you back to the Gospel and the love and hope that is waiting with it. I've been reading his book "A Shelter in the Time of Storm: Meditations on God and Trouble" and it has been quite fitting the last several weeks. Tripp goes through Psalm 27 and includes short meditations on verses that serve as a springboard for reflection and time with the Father. A few days ago I came across this one and absolutely loved it. As I've been working through Sonship and recently did a lesson on repentance, this really rang true and was an encouragement. I've copied it below and I hope it is an encouragement to you too!

Psalm 27:9

"Turn not your servant away in anger."

It is such a comfort to me, such a source of hope and strength and daily joy. It gives me reason to get up in the morning and to press on even when I am discouraged and weak and lonely and afraid. It gives me reason to face with courage the struggles within and the difficulties without. It reminds me that I can stand before You as I am, completely unafraid and ask of You what I have asked before and will ask again: Your forgiveness and Your help. What gives me this courage? What offers me this hope? It is this one thing. I know for certain that there are two words that I'll never hear.

I know that you will never look me in the eye and say to me, "Go away!" You will not send me from your presence. You will not drive me from Your grace. You will not separate me from Your glory. You will not eliminate me from Your promises. You will never, ever, ever send me away. Because Your anger was borne by Another. Because my separation was carried by Him. Because He was sent away, I will never, I will never be.

So in weakness, failure, foolishness, and sin, I stand before you once more with courage, hope, comfort, and joy, because I know that in all the dark things that may be whispered to me in this dark and fallen world, there are two words I will never hear. And so with gratitude and joy I get up to face the day but as I do, I do it without fear.

Respite From the Wind Tunnel

Since making the decision to return to the U.S., I’ve had a lot of mixed feelings. Fear, guilt, failure, joy at seeing my family, sadness at seeing Ugandan parts of my speech leaving me, relief as I rested, torn between two worlds, and on the list goes.

As I realized my stay here would last longer than 4 weeks, I struggled more. Many times over the past month, I’ve pictured myself in a dark wind tunnel with God’s giant hand firmly but gently pushing my head back as I struggle, fight, and flail my arms in a useless fight against all of it. It being my physical health, my circumstances, my geographical location, my confusion and anger at God, my worn-down emotions, and grief over losing the carefully laid plans I had made—the plans God had helped me make but He has changed.

I’m still working through all of this, along with the new information that I need to have surgery to rule thyroid cancer in or out. I still have those wind tunnel moments when I struggle, fight, and try to understand. But I’m finding more moments of peace too. I’m sure there is a myriad of reasons behind this slow development to surrender, which I hope will move to praise.

I’m sure I won’t understand a lot of this until I’m with my Father in glory. But, in the meantime, I allow myself to grieve but I’m also finding joy in simple treats here. A few of the treats God has brought me in the last week or so:

• Waking to the rain pattering against my windowpane
• Whipping up fresh cream of asparagus soup on a whim with my mom
• Going to the (very cold and windy) beach; hearing the reassuring rhythm of waves breaking on the shore
• Buying and planting all the flowers in my parents’ flower garden; getting sweaty and seeing dirt on my toes reminded me of Uganda and watching something grow and flourish is therapeutic
• Discovering my love of banjo music as I listened to the Avett Brothers and Mumford & Sons while reading a good book in the sunshine
• Making an Indian feast for my parents—complete with homemade naan
• Eating smores by the fire pit in our backyard
• Being present for Easter, my nephew’s 2nd birthday, and Mother’s Day
• Wearing jeans everyday and not sweating : )

Encouragement

Streams in the Desert has been a source of steady encouragement to me since before I left for Uganda. Yesterday's reading was especially meaningful and I think it may bring hope to others too...

"Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today." Exodus 14:13

This verse contains God's command to me as a believer for those times when I am confronted with dire circumstances and extraordinary difficulties. What am I to do when I cannot retreat or go forward and my way is blocked to the right and to the left?

The Master's word to me is, "Stand firm." And the best thing I can do at these times is to listen only to my Master's word, for others will come to me with their suggestions and evil advice. Despair will come, whispering, "Give up--lie down and die." But even in the worst of times, God would have me be cheerful and courageous, rejoicing in His love and faithfulness.

Cowardice will come and say, "You must retreat to the world's ways of acting. It is too difficult for you to continue living the part of a Christian. Abandon your principles." Yet no matter how much Satan may pressure me to follow his course, I cannot, for I am a child of God. The Lord's divine decree has commanded me to go from "strength to strength" (Ps. 84:7). Therefore I will and neither death nor hell will turn me from my course. And if for a season He calls me to "stand firm", I will acknowledge it as a time to renew my strength for greater strides in the future.

Impatience will come, crying, "Get up and do something! To 'stand firm' and wait is sheer idleness." Why is it I think I must be doing something right now instead of looking to the Lord? He will not only do something--He will do everything.

Arrogance will come, boasting, "If the seas is blocking your way, march right into it and expect a miracle." Yet true faith never listens to arrogance, impatience, cowardice, or despair but only hears God saying, "Stand firm." And then it stands as immovable as a rock.

"Stand firm." I must maintain the posture of one who stands, ready for action, expecting further orders, and cheerfully and patiently awaiting the Director's voice. It will not be long until God will say to me, as distinctly as He told Moses to tell the children of Israel, "Move on." (Ex. 14:15).